Thursday, November 4, 2010

"Six Flags"

Sometimes you're on the subway and a guy gets on holding a bucket.  He says he represents whatever organization to help whatever group of disadvantaged people, and he goes into a spiel that sounds maybe somewhat official.  And sometimes you catch yourself thinking, "Wait, is this guy legit, or is he just some dude panhandling with a script?"  Well, I think I've come up with a foolproof litmus test:

Legitimate charities do not ask for money on the subway.  Ever.  Because it is fucking illegal.  And ghetto.

Save your change for those awesome mariachi groups.  Or the guys with the conga drums.  Or that asshole who plays bass and insults people on the 1 train.  My friend Chris told me about this one really drunk, homeless dude who addressed the train in a sleepy, slurring voice, with his eyes closed:  "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Bob.  Bob is jusss...looking for somethin' to eat...Bob don't want to bother no one...."  Then Bob slowly opened his eyes on a young Asian guy, grinned at him, and said, "You feel me, Jackie Chan." Bob FTW.


  1. is this transcribed exactly or an amalgam of ones you've heard?

  2. This was as exact a transcription as I could manage in real time. I was scribbling furiously while the dude was talking, and Sarah noticed what I was drawing and said, "Billy! Don't be too rude."